An interesting question: what shall I give for Valentine’s Day? In the second grade, it was a simple card. Since the teacher said you had to give one to every person in the class, you went through the cards for the “mushiest” one to give to that special someone you had your eye on. You chose the most neutral or bland cards for your least favorite persons in the class. The ways of a child!
In our culture today Valentine’s Day not only includes millions of cards sent and exchanged, it involves the purchasing and giving a lot of things and stuff. Valentine’s Day is big business. In times past, to give something of unusual or surpassing value to one you loved was a proof of one’s ability to bless that person materially (think dowries). More recently, Valentine’s Day gifts often mean splurging–giving something special, something that would otherwise be unaffordable. (In parallel, think of fruit and nuts in your shoes at Christmas–if you are old enough to remember those days!)
Valentine’s Day is also about relationships. People seek relationships for many reasons. In times past, people got married not only for love, but because marriage strengthened their ability to survive and get through life. People shared life and together found abilities and financial strength that were impossible separately. Once people got married, the old saying was often true–we cannot afford to get divorced. The frontier was not conducive to divorce!
The reasons for marriage have changed in today’s culture. Many people have the ability to be financially independent, and some see a marriage partner as a financial liability rather than as a strength. Sociologists observe that today many people marry, not for financial support, but for emotional support. I need someone who loves me unconditionally, even in the difficult times (when I am difficult!). I need someone I can take for granted (in the good sense of that phrase), someone who is there through thick and thin, dependable, always present, unconditionally accepting. When emotional support is not present or when it is withdrawn, people divorce.
Jan and I will exchange simple, inexpensive expressions of our love again this year. We always do–thinking toward our “anniversary” tomorrow. (See tomorrow’s blog!) We will not add candy to the temptations around the house–neither of us will be helped in our exercise and eating goals by the extra chocolate. Nor will we overtly talk about our need for emotional support and strength–except to say ‘I love you’.
What will make today, tomorrow, and the coming year special is not any “stuff” that we exchange. It will be that we are confident in our marriage, that emotional support and encouragement will always be present when needed, and every once in while, we will get some unexpected emotional boost, even when we don’t know we need it! Ah, the beauty of love! Happy Valentine’s Day!